rhubarb and lilacs

The article Joe Fiorito wrote appeared in the Toronto Star (Wednesday, May 23, 2007). Everyone loved it! It just feels so good to have public recognition of the work. And Joe captured us – the ordinary stories that are told in conversation as we walk and sit around the table. The stories that are absent at other tables and walks.
On our walkabout we visited a place that used to be called the brown door. A notorious spot where you could place money and a mysterious package of drugs would appear. But that has been long gone now. The people have moved on. Dealers don’t stay too long in one place. What can I say – we know that drugs can bring misery to lives as well as relief. They make sleep possible, small escapes into necessary illusions.
I spent time this week writing letters to several of the shelters to see if we can visit. We have talked about going inside and taking pictures. Documenting the conditions, reflecting on the memories, trying to piece together the stories that walk the corridors, that are elicited when you touch the door handles – the stories that are part of every door handle and hinge. I also visited Maxwell Meighen and the Gateway to see if I could find Jamie or Daniel hanging around. No luck there. I was just wanting to catch up. See if Daniel got a job.
Today I took a walk on my own and met two women who sleep in one of the parks in the City. We shared the sidewalk for half an hour and then I moved on as they were working. I paid them for their time with me, albeit it never feels like enough. They would like a politician to stay with them overnight, to sit in their blankets and watch while they pan, while they squeegee.
As I continued on my way I met another woman. She asked me for some change and I had none so I said no, and she turned away. It was the way she turned that touched me, the slowness of her body. It was as if the asking exhausted her, and the rejection was expected, and I could feel her somehow, her soul weariness, so I dug a bit deeper and came up with a piece of paper. I called back to her. Her face lit up and her eyes became red and watery as she said in a broken voice, “It’s so hard right now….” I felt like what I gave her was not enough though she leaned in and kissed my shoulder.
I also went to Scarborough to talk about the work with a group out there. They were a gorgeous group of people and I was paid in rhubarb and lilacs… what a beautiful economy. What a lucky woman am I this week!

the other side

Jim told a story that everyone related to today. It's one of those stories that seem like they have no ending or beginning - like a nightmare when you are in them.
You enter a narrow brick walkway to get your bed for the night at the shelter. The staff person tells you that you have to go to "the other side." So you exit and walk out and eventually find "the other side" where you talk to another staff person, who tells you that you are in the wrong place and that you have to return to "the other side" from whence you came... and so it goes until you become so frustrated and turned around that you lose it and you become the bad one... And you don't know why they have set up the rules so that they exhaust and anger you or try every bone in your body. But they do. And you're hungry and tired and you just want to find a bed and a bit of quiet and you know it's not here anyway so you're not even sure why you're walking these concrete pathways back and forth between the commands of staff who may or may not care - you're never really sure of much except that you're tired and hungry and you want this to end, and you wonder if it ever will...

what does your bed look like?

Here we see a series of coffee tables, 3 of them placed together, with an air mattress on top of them. Together these serve as a bed, a sleeping place, a haven. It is quiet in this room. The previous home was so noisy that the food on the table included ear plugs - for 3 years! And the cost of living this way is dear. Constant exposure to noise can cause stress. And this man could not go up to his neighbour day after day, week after week, month after month with the same complaint, knowing that there would be the same response... and that there was no support from his landlord. Looking at this I ask you - where are you sleeping tonight? What does your bed look like? Let us know...

so, what is Photovoice?

I have decided that in the midst of all of this I should talk everyonce in awhile about the method we are using!

Photovoice, or photonovella, is a method of working with people in communities that are typically under-represented or excluded in our society. It is a way of documenting community strengths, and initiating dialogue about what is significant. Quite simply, it is a way of giving voice by using photography.

Developed in the 1980's it is based in the principles of Paolo Freire, feminist research methods including community-based and participatory research, documentary photography, and public health practices.

Photovoice is used by people of all ages, globally, to represent their experiences of their lives. It is a way of placing the means of cultural representation in the hands of those who are most often denied the tools of cultural production. It has been used by women in China to communicate to policy makers, by the homeless and insecurely housed in Toronto to document the social determinants of health, by young offenders in the UK, and newcomers to Canada in St. James Town to explore what neighbourhood means in terms of health. These diverse groups of people have something in common – their capacity to perceive what has escaped broader social attention.

And as time goes on - more on this! I promise... but until then, just read the stories.

2 ordinary men

In our walk this week with Joe we met 2 ordinary men, Jamie and Daniel. I sit down on the sidewalk outside one of the shelters to speak with a slender man in his mid-40's. He lies on a piece of cardboard in the afternoon sun. He doesn't want me to take his picture but he tells me it is ok if I tell his story. He's here for surgery and staying at the shelter - he needs a skin graft. The left side of his neck is wrapped in white gauze and I note that his head is also wrapped as a small amount of gauze is peeping out from under his cap. He's in a considerable amount of pain and says to me: "I'm my own worst enemy!" and laughs. I get it. He knows he should be in the hospital. But it is a beautiful afternoon and he has a feeling that they will turn him away if he shows there. His surgery isn't for a week and he is here for a few tests before his admission.

He knows about the options on the streets - where he can get a meal, where Street Health is located, and the clinics. He talks about his kids, his ex-wife, his struggle with past addictions, his disability. I know so much about him in 20 minutes. He has piercing blue eyes and laughs easily. And he's been in and out of hard places. But he doesn't want that anymore - he wants a life where he can be with his kids, where he can have connections to other people, and a community. When he shifts his position on the sidewalk I see him wince. He is legally licensed to smoke marijuana for his pain - it does help. But on the streets it can also make him a target for violence. I know why he is here, I understand his words, but on a structural level, I wonder why a man in need of surgery is laying on cardboard on the streets of downtown Toronto?

We continue on our walk. Outside the Gateway a bed is being moved; Jim is chatting with some guys from Sanctuary and we are getting ready to take some photographs. I have to admit that most of the day I am talking with people on the streets, not modeling "how" to take shots. But that's ok. Kevin shouts out that someone is eating from a garbage can. I tell him that maybe I'll go across and ask the person to stop - it is really quite dangerous to eat from a garbage bin. You can become seriously ill. Kevin is a bit worried - "but what if he's dangerous Nancy?" I tell him that I'll assess the situation and Kevin decides he'll join me for backup.

"Hi, you look pretty hungry." He looks up and keeps eating, smiling in agreement. I suggest that he could get sick and he stops, saying he has a job interview the next day. He graciously extends his arm to the curb and invites Kevin and me to sit down and chat. We do. Turns out he is from the Kawartha Lakes region, a gorgeous spot. He has been homeless for 5 years and was recently housed. Problem is that he is also trying to get off the serious drugs and there are dealers located on either side of his bachelor apartment. Another problem is that his apartment has no bed, no sheets, pillows, pillow cases, towels, toilet paper, dishes, pots for cooking, or cutlery. He can't call this housing a home. He also doesn't have a phone, can't afford it - to make or receive calls to schedule the delivery of a bed. Again I understand why people choose the streets over the housing our society is providing them...

asleep in toronto - with Joe Fiorito!

We had the honour of having Joe Fiorito, a columnist from the Star newspaper, come along with us on our walkabout. That's him carrying the khaki coloured bag - the man without the hat!

It was overcast and a bit humid today, and I think we were all a bit nervous about having someone come along to observe us - we're just getting our own relationships established. But Joe has a special way of just walking along beside us and becoming part of the conversation. So we soon relaxed. He also asked great questions.

Today our focus was on looking at some of the shelters that people have slept in. Because we have not yet been invited inside to photograph them, we are photographing the outside. We went to Maxwell Meighen, The Gateway, the School House and Seaton House.

Everyone returned with their cameras completed so I will take them in for developing which that next week we will start looking and shooting - everything begins to intensify.

As we sat around the table at the end and talked about what was most meaningful JeanGuy said softly: "I didn't want to get close in order to take the pictures; I wanted to stay as far away as possible from the shelters." The way he said it convinced me that his memories and experiences were not ones that were easy to bear; if anything they haunted him. Crowded conditions, the smells of too many men using a single urinal, a thin mattress, a lack of privacy.

It is so important for me in being part of these kinds of projects to remember that each person has a focus and when I look at the photographs and the perspective the message is visceral - when we think about a necessary distance for someone who has lived in them. How close do you want to get to the building to photograph it? How far away feels safe enough?

Vital Ideas

I wanted to provide a kind thank you to the people at the Toronto Community Foundation for recognizing our work as a "Vital Idea." Although they were not able to fund us they were able to introduce virtually to a community of philanthropists. Unfortunately the night of the non-virtual event I was struck down with a severe kidney infection so was not able to attend. However, I am pleased to make many new virtual friends! And I hope some of them will find their way here and we can begin a conversation.

asleep in Toronto

We've been too busy on the streets to find time to write. And it's also the end of semester so I've been marking papers and getting ready for summer session.
We've presented our work at the Streetlife conference at the University of Toronto and at the Conference for Campus Community Partnerships in Health - with great responses.
The photo above was taken in the core of downtown and no, the window isn't open - there is no window and there is no roof on this gorgeous old home. I was laying on the roadway looking up to take this one. And Kevin and Jean Guy were protecting me from the cars.
The CONTACT photography festival is on this month but we were not able to find a venue for our work from the project - maybe next year. The work is so powerful - scroll down to see some of it. leave me a comment if you want to see more. Over time I will get it up here. The questions are always to do with time.
asleep in Toronto (the other name for in/vulnerabilities) started and we went for our first walkabout today. it was difficult at first to get folk to use their cameras. There is anxiety - maybe? - about how many rolls we have... But I just said I expected everyone to use up their whole camera this week. and we'll see what happens and how many get turned in next week.
We may have a partner to help us with developing the film. I have been chatting with them for over a month. They are cautious and believe in the project and the work we are doing but they are also a small business and feel strongly that we need more government support for these kinds of initiatives. And I can't say not to that! So, I may have good news about that in the future.

busy days

"Armed with a shoestring budget and cameras that eventually had to be held together by elastic bands, a group of homeless men and women set out to document their first hand experiences in Toronto." So says Liz Worth in the latest edition of spacing magazine. I will post pictures of our cameras soon.

Fred and me have been busy of late. Talked about the work at Project Read in Parkdale during the EcoArts Media Festival and at the Hepatitis C Workshop at the College Street United Church - and just had a piece about the work come out in reconstruction. We also showed work in the OCAP event at the Gladstone.
There is also good news on the housing front and that is that the provincial government has freed up almost $400 million dollars in federal funding for housing. See the posts at the Wellesley Institute for the full story on Bill C-48.
The sad news right now is that we will not be presenting our thinking about this work and this work at the American Educational Research Association in April as I was not able to find any support money to bring us there. On the upside we will be presenting it at the CCPH (Community-Campus Partnerships for Health) conference in April and we are starting recruitment for in/vulnerabilities.
We are engaged in multiple conversations with many partners and it feels like the work is having a far-reaching effect. The conversations are at a larger social level and more intimate, person-to-person.

endings

I took down Urgent on Friday night. Wrapped it up. Literally. Looked over the comments and began to think about how we provide space for stories that are "out of place" in the larger social and cultural memories of a citizenry. Each of the photographs shows place in a way that disrupts central concepts of its daily use.
These forgotten people - but how can we forget people who are in plain sight? How are we able to construct an account of life that leaves them out of any rights-based sociey where social justice matters? How have we forgotten their belonging? Their place?
In this photograph a person re-creates their nightly ritual of going to sleep with a blanket, by taking off their shoes and carefully placing them by their side for the night. This space feels too open for my personal safety, yet it was chosen deliberately because it is safe. And I wonder what dreams appear here?

troubling the streets

I continue to walk the streets and see them filled with people who need sanctuary. A man I chatted with today was wrapped so tightly that almost no flesh was visible. He said the dampness was getting into his bones. Yesterday a woman told me she was despairing, she couldn't make it without help; she'd surely be a failure if someone didn't do something.

She wasn't sure what the something was. I had two dollars and that was a piece of something. But I know it was a two dollar bandaid. She was also wrapped in layers, damp layers, and she had no place to keep dry. She gave a cheery conversation though and wanted to know how I was... I told her I was ok. We lied happily to each other about the weather... and I thought about what it might be if she belonged somewhere safe. and warm.

But she doesn't. And so we must work toward social change in any way we can so that she can have a secure future and present. Her ability to determine her present is limited by indifference.

The picture I would have taken shows a woman of about 50. She has not brushed her hair and her smile is broad. She is lively right now but the next time I pass by her she does not look up. Her body is bound inward against the cold.

BIAF

the BIAF or Brampton Indie Arts Festival have graciously included our work - for the week of February 14-17. www.biaf.ca
I went to Brampton for the first time and Fred Yurichuk, the other half of this work in its day-to-day form, who lives there, showed me around. It was a snow day... beautiful and the response to the work was wonderful. People were overwhelmed by the power of it - they want to see more, hear more, they want to know what to do, how to help, they want to talk to us about their own stories and personal transformations. I think that we were both exhausted by the end of the night - in a most wonderful fashion. Thank you BIAF and Brampton.

Survival

I don't know how they survive... We have had an extreme cold weather alert for nearly a week now. The wind howls outside of my home and inside I wear a hat, scarf, long underwear, cut off gloves, sweaters, fuzzy pants. Whatever will help keep me warm. My home is a bit of a sieve I guess and someday... But I am inside. Today I went out and I saw people sitting outside. They are in danger of frostbite. Of losing noses, fingers, toes.
And some of these citizens are unable to come in because of what has happened to them in the past when they have done so. They have not experienced kindness and compassion, but rather its opposing state. And it has left them suffering, still, outside.

The Opening at OISE

Our opening was a success - how can I possibly say thank you except, thank you! - to every one who came out. I was overawed by the beauty of it all. More than 75 people were in attendance. Project artists who came out - thanks - and to all of those who could not make it - I hold you in my heart...
The people who saw the work have continued to call and email, providing their support. We gathered 9 cameras. Not bad. We still need more. But 9 is fabulous. And Rae grabbed one to document the event. So I guess we had 10 at one point! Rae was happy, saying: "They like us!" They do. I think, I believe, this work can make a difference. And to show it at this educational insitute has the potential to alter the way teachers and learners engage. And we received support to exhibit the work from the Ontario Arts Council, Exhibition Assitance Program with the help of our recommender, Gallery 44 - Thanks to them as well!
I have promised to put information about the project on this site and to upload photographs. And so I will. Over time.
I was excited and scared. Was not sure if people would come. The challenge was to hold this tension, to be awake in it and to notice by inhabiting the experience. And the questions continue: How do we use the work to encourage thought, to encourage us to think differently about personal and structural inequity as it is expressed socially? How can we work against the collapse of hope? It is growing cold. Doors are being locked more frequently and we are preparing for numerous programs that help to sustain the poor to close. There is more to write... but that will have to come later. Other tasks await.

balancing act

Have been working all week to get ready for the exhibit - it's a balancing act. Daughters want dinner and i am not certain that is part of the balance! But it has to be. I am excited and nervous - it is anticipatory dread. There is much to do. Have to take the show down at ZigZag and get it up at OISE. The same night we will be at Sneaky Dee's with Street Health and Rock for Humanity - a group who is donating their fundraising efforts to help Street Health. We were at the Horseshoe about 3 weeks ago doing the same thing. It was fun to talk about the work in this environment.

I am hoping that anyone who is reading this makes it out to the opening at OISE, comes to see the work at Sneaky Dee's, or the Brampton Independent Arts Festival - more on that one later. Because there is also the EcoArts Festival... and others. They will all make their appearance here.

But my main priority is to do the fundraising to start the next project, in/vulnerabilities. We have only had one camera donated to date ...

And we need more. The project will be to work with Street Health again and to work in a cultural production workshop using photography to tell more of the stories using text and image. We have been blessed with funding from the Toronto Arts Council, Access Grant, but we need our material costs to be covered.

the homeless and the insecurely housed
are now appearing in documents coded with the language of corporate
strategies where millions of dollars are spent insulating silos
and this morning one of them will wake up
dead from some unanticipated opportunity taken by
exposure or dehydration, which has targeted this one for
confusion. For upon awakening he (or she) will surely determine that death

was not an annotation in their daybook. There were the other things listed: put an end to hunger, find love, vote for housing. She (or he) was certain that finding a graceful exit strategy was a practiced skill for use in the short-term.

an increasing flutter of white papers darkening your corner office.

a day in the life

the exhibit is going to happen.
we got funding from the Ontario Arts Council, Exhibition Assistance. THANK YOU!
OPENING RECEPTION: MONDAY, JANUARY 29, 2007 at 5:30

MONDAY, JANUARY 29 – THURSDAY, FEBRARY 23, 2007
252 BLOOR STREET WEST 2ND FLOOR HALLWAY BETWEEN 2-212/2-213

I am hoping to be able to find the members of our group - because we did not get the last grant we applied for there has been a lapse in continuity. I still remember the meeting where I broke down and cried because we had no money to continue. Everyone came over, sang silly songs, gave me hugs. Made it better.

Except social inequity is not ok. We want people to see the work. We want understanding of these issues. We want change. So what's it about?

The images in the exhibit are selected from a vast number shot over a period of 8 months, in a community-based photography project where cameras were given to women and men who were experiencing insecure housing and homelessness, social exclusion, and poverty. This exhibition reveals photography as, and in, ethically transformative relationships where there is an opportunity to begin to promote empathic identification between the viewer and the one who is viewed.

being and doing

first post. about being an artist, writer, researcher, educator. writing 3 or 4 papers, trying to find time to get the book done, to stay up with reading, to write lectures, to love my family and friends. and to remind myself of the wonders that flourish. and to assist in the flourishing.
about to start a new project. finishing up another one. and I am going to try and use this blog as a way of recording these projects, these endings and beginnings.
and i guess part of it is about being the "artist and scholar" at the Centre for Arts-informed Research at OISE/UT. The first one there. And the struggle to balance this role, to integrate it, with all those other ones!