rhubarb and lilacs

The article Joe Fiorito wrote appeared in the Toronto Star (Wednesday, May 23, 2007). Everyone loved it! It just feels so good to have public recognition of the work. And Joe captured us – the ordinary stories that are told in conversation as we walk and sit around the table. The stories that are absent at other tables and walks.
On our walkabout we visited a place that used to be called the brown door. A notorious spot where you could place money and a mysterious package of drugs would appear. But that has been long gone now. The people have moved on. Dealers don’t stay too long in one place. What can I say – we know that drugs can bring misery to lives as well as relief. They make sleep possible, small escapes into necessary illusions.
I spent time this week writing letters to several of the shelters to see if we can visit. We have talked about going inside and taking pictures. Documenting the conditions, reflecting on the memories, trying to piece together the stories that walk the corridors, that are elicited when you touch the door handles – the stories that are part of every door handle and hinge. I also visited Maxwell Meighen and the Gateway to see if I could find Jamie or Daniel hanging around. No luck there. I was just wanting to catch up. See if Daniel got a job.
Today I took a walk on my own and met two women who sleep in one of the parks in the City. We shared the sidewalk for half an hour and then I moved on as they were working. I paid them for their time with me, albeit it never feels like enough. They would like a politician to stay with them overnight, to sit in their blankets and watch while they pan, while they squeegee.
As I continued on my way I met another woman. She asked me for some change and I had none so I said no, and she turned away. It was the way she turned that touched me, the slowness of her body. It was as if the asking exhausted her, and the rejection was expected, and I could feel her somehow, her soul weariness, so I dug a bit deeper and came up with a piece of paper. I called back to her. Her face lit up and her eyes became red and watery as she said in a broken voice, “It’s so hard right now….” I felt like what I gave her was not enough though she leaned in and kissed my shoulder.
I also went to Scarborough to talk about the work with a group out there. They were a gorgeous group of people and I was paid in rhubarb and lilacs… what a beautiful economy. What a lucky woman am I this week!

the other side

Jim told a story that everyone related to today. It's one of those stories that seem like they have no ending or beginning - like a nightmare when you are in them.
You enter a narrow brick walkway to get your bed for the night at the shelter. The staff person tells you that you have to go to "the other side." So you exit and walk out and eventually find "the other side" where you talk to another staff person, who tells you that you are in the wrong place and that you have to return to "the other side" from whence you came... and so it goes until you become so frustrated and turned around that you lose it and you become the bad one... And you don't know why they have set up the rules so that they exhaust and anger you or try every bone in your body. But they do. And you're hungry and tired and you just want to find a bed and a bit of quiet and you know it's not here anyway so you're not even sure why you're walking these concrete pathways back and forth between the commands of staff who may or may not care - you're never really sure of much except that you're tired and hungry and you want this to end, and you wonder if it ever will...

what does your bed look like?

Here we see a series of coffee tables, 3 of them placed together, with an air mattress on top of them. Together these serve as a bed, a sleeping place, a haven. It is quiet in this room. The previous home was so noisy that the food on the table included ear plugs - for 3 years! And the cost of living this way is dear. Constant exposure to noise can cause stress. And this man could not go up to his neighbour day after day, week after week, month after month with the same complaint, knowing that there would be the same response... and that there was no support from his landlord. Looking at this I ask you - where are you sleeping tonight? What does your bed look like? Let us know...

so, what is Photovoice?

I have decided that in the midst of all of this I should talk everyonce in awhile about the method we are using!

Photovoice, or photonovella, is a method of working with people in communities that are typically under-represented or excluded in our society. It is a way of documenting community strengths, and initiating dialogue about what is significant. Quite simply, it is a way of giving voice by using photography.

Developed in the 1980's it is based in the principles of Paolo Freire, feminist research methods including community-based and participatory research, documentary photography, and public health practices.

Photovoice is used by people of all ages, globally, to represent their experiences of their lives. It is a way of placing the means of cultural representation in the hands of those who are most often denied the tools of cultural production. It has been used by women in China to communicate to policy makers, by the homeless and insecurely housed in Toronto to document the social determinants of health, by young offenders in the UK, and newcomers to Canada in St. James Town to explore what neighbourhood means in terms of health. These diverse groups of people have something in common – their capacity to perceive what has escaped broader social attention.

And as time goes on - more on this! I promise... but until then, just read the stories.

2 ordinary men

In our walk this week with Joe we met 2 ordinary men, Jamie and Daniel. I sit down on the sidewalk outside one of the shelters to speak with a slender man in his mid-40's. He lies on a piece of cardboard in the afternoon sun. He doesn't want me to take his picture but he tells me it is ok if I tell his story. He's here for surgery and staying at the shelter - he needs a skin graft. The left side of his neck is wrapped in white gauze and I note that his head is also wrapped as a small amount of gauze is peeping out from under his cap. He's in a considerable amount of pain and says to me: "I'm my own worst enemy!" and laughs. I get it. He knows he should be in the hospital. But it is a beautiful afternoon and he has a feeling that they will turn him away if he shows there. His surgery isn't for a week and he is here for a few tests before his admission.

He knows about the options on the streets - where he can get a meal, where Street Health is located, and the clinics. He talks about his kids, his ex-wife, his struggle with past addictions, his disability. I know so much about him in 20 minutes. He has piercing blue eyes and laughs easily. And he's been in and out of hard places. But he doesn't want that anymore - he wants a life where he can be with his kids, where he can have connections to other people, and a community. When he shifts his position on the sidewalk I see him wince. He is legally licensed to smoke marijuana for his pain - it does help. But on the streets it can also make him a target for violence. I know why he is here, I understand his words, but on a structural level, I wonder why a man in need of surgery is laying on cardboard on the streets of downtown Toronto?

We continue on our walk. Outside the Gateway a bed is being moved; Jim is chatting with some guys from Sanctuary and we are getting ready to take some photographs. I have to admit that most of the day I am talking with people on the streets, not modeling "how" to take shots. But that's ok. Kevin shouts out that someone is eating from a garbage can. I tell him that maybe I'll go across and ask the person to stop - it is really quite dangerous to eat from a garbage bin. You can become seriously ill. Kevin is a bit worried - "but what if he's dangerous Nancy?" I tell him that I'll assess the situation and Kevin decides he'll join me for backup.

"Hi, you look pretty hungry." He looks up and keeps eating, smiling in agreement. I suggest that he could get sick and he stops, saying he has a job interview the next day. He graciously extends his arm to the curb and invites Kevin and me to sit down and chat. We do. Turns out he is from the Kawartha Lakes region, a gorgeous spot. He has been homeless for 5 years and was recently housed. Problem is that he is also trying to get off the serious drugs and there are dealers located on either side of his bachelor apartment. Another problem is that his apartment has no bed, no sheets, pillows, pillow cases, towels, toilet paper, dishes, pots for cooking, or cutlery. He can't call this housing a home. He also doesn't have a phone, can't afford it - to make or receive calls to schedule the delivery of a bed. Again I understand why people choose the streets over the housing our society is providing them...

asleep in toronto - with Joe Fiorito!

We had the honour of having Joe Fiorito, a columnist from the Star newspaper, come along with us on our walkabout. That's him carrying the khaki coloured bag - the man without the hat!

It was overcast and a bit humid today, and I think we were all a bit nervous about having someone come along to observe us - we're just getting our own relationships established. But Joe has a special way of just walking along beside us and becoming part of the conversation. So we soon relaxed. He also asked great questions.

Today our focus was on looking at some of the shelters that people have slept in. Because we have not yet been invited inside to photograph them, we are photographing the outside. We went to Maxwell Meighen, The Gateway, the School House and Seaton House.

Everyone returned with their cameras completed so I will take them in for developing which that next week we will start looking and shooting - everything begins to intensify.

As we sat around the table at the end and talked about what was most meaningful JeanGuy said softly: "I didn't want to get close in order to take the pictures; I wanted to stay as far away as possible from the shelters." The way he said it convinced me that his memories and experiences were not ones that were easy to bear; if anything they haunted him. Crowded conditions, the smells of too many men using a single urinal, a thin mattress, a lack of privacy.

It is so important for me in being part of these kinds of projects to remember that each person has a focus and when I look at the photographs and the perspective the message is visceral - when we think about a necessary distance for someone who has lived in them. How close do you want to get to the building to photograph it? How far away feels safe enough?

Vital Ideas

I wanted to provide a kind thank you to the people at the Toronto Community Foundation for recognizing our work as a "Vital Idea." Although they were not able to fund us they were able to introduce virtually to a community of philanthropists. Unfortunately the night of the non-virtual event I was struck down with a severe kidney infection so was not able to attend. However, I am pleased to make many new virtual friends! And I hope some of them will find their way here and we can begin a conversation.

asleep in Toronto

We've been too busy on the streets to find time to write. And it's also the end of semester so I've been marking papers and getting ready for summer session.
We've presented our work at the Streetlife conference at the University of Toronto and at the Conference for Campus Community Partnerships in Health - with great responses.
The photo above was taken in the core of downtown and no, the window isn't open - there is no window and there is no roof on this gorgeous old home. I was laying on the roadway looking up to take this one. And Kevin and Jean Guy were protecting me from the cars.
The CONTACT photography festival is on this month but we were not able to find a venue for our work from the project - maybe next year. The work is so powerful - scroll down to see some of it. leave me a comment if you want to see more. Over time I will get it up here. The questions are always to do with time.
asleep in Toronto (the other name for in/vulnerabilities) started and we went for our first walkabout today. it was difficult at first to get folk to use their cameras. There is anxiety - maybe? - about how many rolls we have... But I just said I expected everyone to use up their whole camera this week. and we'll see what happens and how many get turned in next week.
We may have a partner to help us with developing the film. I have been chatting with them for over a month. They are cautious and believe in the project and the work we are doing but they are also a small business and feel strongly that we need more government support for these kinds of initiatives. And I can't say not to that! So, I may have good news about that in the future.